This is a collage of memories with my youth group-I was baptized this year, I went to church camp, youth convention, vbs week with my little class, fine arts, and the missions trip to South Dakota!
Some more pictures of fun with my church family!
Family<3 step, half, and biological
senior year football games<3
my mommy<3
Hey guys(: So tonight is New Year's Eve and I want to post some pictures that summerize what an amazing year it has been and how blessed I have been! love you all-have a fun time bringing in the new year!
I have been pondering this for awhile now-and am still in the process of figuring out what love is. But, I suppose to start off with the basics, there are many different types of love. There is infatuation, romantic love, puppy love, maternal love, conditional love, and any other thing you could think of under the sun. The kind I always tend to try to figure out is the kind of love between a boy and a girl. I always get stuck on so many questions related to this subject. So, let's break it down.-
Love by definition is a great attachment to and affection for, a passionate desire and longing for. And as for what the Bible has to say about it is this: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 " Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..."
And with this I leave myself to think. If love never fails- why are there so many homes broken each year. Why is it that when a man and a woman vow before God that they love each other so profoundly and will remain faithful until they enter into heaven, that they think it is okay to throw the towel in when life gets hard? If Jesus would have thrown the towel in when temptation was too strong, when the weight of our sin was too much to bear, we wouldn't get to spend an eternity with God. It makes my heart saddened that love has been so distorted and slewed from it's original intent. Just because your finances aren't going the way they should, just because you've gotten "too comfortable", just because, because, because. .. The truth is that the reason marriages fail, the reasons families are split, the reason kids hearts are torn, is because of pride, because of jealousy, because of lust, because of sin. Because people fail to place God at the head of their home. When times get hard pray together, when times are good give thanks together. When you keep your eyes focused on His plan, everything else will fall into place.
Real love is choosing to love someone when life is smooth sailing and joyous. It's loving someone when life couldn't get worse, when something earth shattering hits you so hard you can't stand, and taking that circumstance to the foot of the cross daily TOGETHER. Loving someone is a commitment-it's not just because there skin is smooth, their hair is gorgeous and they are in shape. All looks will fade and what you are left with is the person inside. I want to be able to get married someday and start a trend of long lasting marriages and break the curse of divorce in my family. I can only do that with the strength of God and a man of God by my side. And until I find him, I will focus on being the kind of women God has intended me to be.
So, today I went with the ever so wonderful Becca to Bereans to pick out a new devotional book. I was originally set on one called, "The One Year Life Verse Devotional" by Jay Payleitner( a suggestion from a friend). But, they told me they didn't have that in stock and would have to order it. So, before I told them to go ahead and do that, I went to the devotional section to browse some others. In the process, I found a really cool one called, "The Message:Solo- an uncommon devotional." It lasts for a whole year so I can start it on January 1st. It is definetly more advanced-something that takes you deeper which is spiritually what I have been wanting. I think I am ready. It gives you a passage to read, some things to think on, some things to pray on, and some things to live by. But, it's also not handed to you and allows for your own thoughts as well. This I like. So, I will have to let you know more of what I think when I actually dig in.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
So, it's Christmas and I'm wishing you all joy this holiday season! I am so blessed and thankful for all of the wonderful friendships I have acquired in just this short year and for my family. They may be crazy sometimes, but I don't know where I would be without them. I am also so thankful that it's Jesus's birthday! Just when I though life couldn't get better, I also got accepted into Evangel right before Christmas. And last but not least I love not only to get gifts but to give them as well. I snapped a couple picture of our morning together as a family(: My bracelet that says choose joy! Such a wonderful daily reminder for me, especially when life gets hard.
Merry Christmas everyone!
This is a tough question. When do we as Christ followers stop actively pursuing the God who created us, who loves us, who is for us in every way? We stop pursuing Christ when we start pursuing other things. When other things start to become of more importance and God becomes a side note. It can start with slight things-like a form of media we subject ourselves to. This is where satan gets his foot in the door. Then, we decide we would be okay with____ . You fill in the blank. It's when we choose to be complacent, when God becomes an after thought that we lose true devotion. The kind of devotion Christ expects from us. The kind of devotion that says we will drop all things to please Him, the kind of the devotion that sets us apart from the normal person, the kind of devotion that makes us look weird. We must crave intimacy with the Father. If we don't choose to do this daily, we lose our source of life. It says in John 1:4 "In him was life, and that life was the light of men." He is our light. Without him we are living in darkness. So, choose to actively pursue to be like Christ daily. With Him, you will truly receive life.
And on a side note you all should watch this video, it is a wonderful and inspirational thing.
The video above really got me thinking. How many of us have felt like we weren't enough. We hate our bodies and have the "grass is always greener" outlook when it comes to our appearance. If we have curly hair, we would rather have straight hair. If we have blue eyes, we would rather have green ones. We have a deep seeded dissatisfaction with who we are. We think our identity and our status solely depends on our physical appearance. But, we have this so wrong. We are not to be focused so much on how we look on the outside, but of the condition of our hearts. 1 Samuel 16:7 says, "But the Lord said to Samuel, ' Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." We should focus on making ourselves like Christ. We must treat others with compassion, live a wholesome life that lines up with biblical truth, and much more. And LOVE yourself-Jesus does.
So, first of all I would like to say I hope all of you beautiful people had an amazing weekend! Second of all, I found my God given best friend. Honestly she is seriously the sweetest person ever-not only is she super nice but she is also a mirror image of me. We have almost identical testimonies and home situations and were both baptized around the same time. Both of our baptisms weren't planned and it was to start over. We have everything in common. God truly does answer prayers. Also, through this discovery I have found part of the reason why God gave me a home situation the way He did. It was so that I would be able to help minister and give advice to Lindsay through all of her struggles right now from past experience. God works in such amazing ways! (: I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend my weekend.
Romans 3:12 "All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one." But wait, I go to church EVERY Sunday. I help out at church in my free time, I hang out with all the "good" kids at school, and everyone in my town adores me. Sometimes as Christians we get an attitude about ourselves. We think we deserve a spotlight and a halo, and judge all of those who may be at a different point on the path with Christ than ourselves. No. No. No. You are missing the whole concept of being Christ like. Nobody is good and we have all fallen short. To be like Christ is sometimes not about condemning and more about loving and showing by example who Christ is. I don't believe anyone has ever had God shoved down their throat and come go Christ. I know that if I wasn't a follower, the whole God concept would sound far fetched. I also wouldn't be willing to give up the sinful behavior in my life for something I don't even believe in. So, take that into consideration. Get down off of your stage with your spotlight and truly love others. Love others like you want to be loved and pray. Pray that others will come to Christ through the love you have shown. Be the change.
By definition the word complacency means a feeling of contentment or self-satisfaction, especially when coupled with an unawareness of trouble, danger, or controversy. Now when we use this in terms of Christianity, we are usually referring to someone who goes to church every Sunday but their relationship with God stops there. They live the other 6 days of the week for themselves. Their bible sits on their bookshelf to collect dust, the only time they pray is along with the congregation, and life goes on. And yet, they are completely unaware of the danger they are in. It says in the bible in Romans 2:13 " For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous." God has not called us to live for our own wants, but to take what he has given us and live a life pleasing to him. It's about our own wants to please the flesh and choosing to fill the soul with Godly things. It's about searching for the broken and loving them just the way they are. It's about showing the world that we are different then the average person. That we care more and love deeper. They may ask why and you know what we will say, it's all because of Christ. He fills us up so much that it overflows in all areas of our lives. So, are you okay with complacency and putting eternity on the line or is it time for a change?
So, I am sitting in my room, listening to All Around Me by David Crowder Band and all of the sudden a thought creeps into my head. Thoughts of all my depression, all my past, everything. Flooding my brain. Like a dam broke that had been holding it back for some time now, allowing me to heal. I know the dam was God and satan was definetly the one trying to break it. But, no worries guys because God is great. He gave me words to fix the dam, words not to dismantle everything I have made progress from. He said, " Depression can't go deeper than the love of God can reach. Hand over your scars, hurt, pain, and pills over to Him and let real healing begin." I felt all of the holes in my dam seal back up and an overwhelming peace come over my soul. For awhile, I struggled with how to accept the joy of Christ. This seemed so foreign to me. You can be joyful, even when times are hard? No. That has to be a joke. But, it't the truth. If we fully surrender to the will of God, He will give us so many uplifting thoughts, so many releases from our anxieties, from everything. I know this sounds corny, but let go and let God. Accept the peace He brings and live a life that would glorify him.
Today, I had the opportunity to babysit my little brothers all morning. God has definetly transformed my attitude on that topic because I used hate doing that. Then, I realized that God could use me to minister to even those in my home. So, I borrowed a bible lessons book from our church and do bible study with them everyday. I love them so dearly and I am so glad they are in my life. Here are a few pictures from this afternoon.
So, I have made a habit of using at least part of my first mod study hall to take time to read and reflect on my bible and today God really checked my attitude. There is this one girl, who will remain nameless for the sake of not creating drama, and without even realizing it she hurt me so much. To this day, I still say how much I dislike her and get all bent up when I see her. So she just happens to be in my study hall and of course after she walked past I gave the usual response of how much I can't stand her and what a jerk she is. After this, I proceeded to take out my bible and start devotions for the morning. You will never guess what two verses God gave me- Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Also He gave me Ephesians 4:31-33 "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Bam. That hit me in the face. I was just like okay God I give my attitude towards this girl to you so you can give me a new one. So, today ponder the way we treat people and check our hearts to see if God would be pleased. Showing God's love is one of the major ways we can win over people for Christ. And an extra thought-instead of complaining about how awful someone is, just pray about it.
So, today I was just thinking and I decided that I will start sharing with you guys pieces of God. What I mean by this is when I do my daily devotionals, I will start sharing some verses that pop out and my personal ideas about how they can relate to my life or people I know. Sometimes maybe even how they have helped me. I have recently kept a journal of bible verses and reflections of how they made me feel, helped, or how I could apply them. I started the journal after I read Psalm 1:2 "But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night." When I really started to break that apart I felt like God wanted me to create a thoughts journal and through that he has laid things on my heart and has spoken to me. If you are looking for spiritual growth I would so start one. So be looking forward to more posts(:
I am going to be starting a gratitude page and so this article will have constant add ons-close to everyday. Right now, I am dealing with some depression so I am going to try to also take the time to look at all the positives in my life as well. So, here goes nothing.
~7/18/12: Today I am thankful for something my mom and I have nick named M.H.T. (mental health tuesdays) This is when I have counseling appointments and we both go to the alanon meeting-so I can cope with my dad, These days are a blessing because without them-I would lose my head altogether, And also today, I am thankful for days off. I have a summer babysitting job and I am very happy to know I have today off. Yes. (:
In my current state, I am trying to grasp the concept that some things aren't in my control. That no matter how much I feel I must be the glue-that I just can't be. And even though my father tries to slew the dynamic, I will be the child and he must be the parent. Right now, my dad is on a downward spiral alcoholic binge and it's very hard to deal with. Not only am I worried about him and his health, but also the fact that my mom will only let me do day visits now. We haven't broken the news to him yet and it terrifies me. I know he will react horribly, and when I do visit him the subject of conversation will be full of how my mom sucks. And I just hate feeling like I have to bash the other parent to make the one I am currently with feel they have all my love. What they need to realize is that through all the mistakes they have made in parenthood(which I am sure I will do my fair share of later in life), that I can love them both equally. I didn't eat hardly at all yesterday-I just felt sick all day. I can still feel this massive cloud of anxiety and depression starting to loom over my head again. Right when I thought it was over.. I want to feel the joy of the Lord. I just have a hard time accepting that all happiness won't fade. That I don't always have to be waiting for the bottom to fall out. Because if God is my bottom, my rock- and all my happiness depends on him, then my joy will be ever present.(not based on the situation.) So I have come across a few bible verses that have helped me.
Mathew 6:43 says, " Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
Psalm 56:3-4 When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?
John 16:22 - "So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.".
The last one is my favorite. So, even though right now I feel I can't handle this-I know who can and I am soo thankful.
I just wanted to say for a moment there- that situation with my dad was looking really hopeless. Until, I just let myself break down and cry and I prayed. I prayed for at least an hour about the situation with my dad. I prayed God would soften his heart, so that all of this heart ache would just go away. So that our relationship could be mended. And even though that night I went to bed at 3 with wet eyes and a stuffy nose, the next day I got a call. He left a voice mail saying how sorry he was and he knew he hurt me etc. I honestly love the way God works. He seriously never fails me! This is why I owe God my life and everything that I am(: A poem I wrote: Sometimes I wonder..
sometimes I wonder where I would be without you.
I can't say that anyone has ever been there for me like you have been
you listen to me everytime we talk and you never interrupt
you are always there with words of comfort
always there with advice
you always know my desires and needs before I know
you are my other half'
sometimes I wonder if I would still be alive without the hope you have given me
without the compassion you've showed me
or all of our late night talks while tears streamed down my face
there truly aren't words that can explain my gratitude
every day I see the trees I feel inspired at how much beauty you placed here for me to enjoy.
sometimes I wonder how people function without you
sometimes you don't realize how in the dark you have been living until you have truly felt alive in this light
God, I can honestly say you are my best friend, and to you, I owe my life.
Luke 1:78-79"With the loving mercy of our God, a new day from heaven will dawn upon us. It will shine on those who live darkness in the shadow of death. It will guide us into the path of peace"
A season of mourning had been knocking at my door; writing me mail, posting notes for me to read. I thought I had conquered it. I thought I told sadness to stay away from me and my thoughts. But, maybe I need a season of mourning, just to process some things. I miss my dad with every fiber of my being. I have always longed for the fatherly attention I will never adequately receive. This past summer was just a tease, leading me to think he was capable of staying sober and of being the compassionate dad I need. But that's the thing about alcoholism, it's never the person talking. Just the alcohol. I remember entering through the gates at the airport this past summer sobbing so hard everyone stared because I had to leave my dad. Now, I am balling so hard because he hurt me and doesn't care. Why do there have to be broken homes and broken people? Why do people have to be so awful. I mean I can tolerate kids my own age being mean, but all I ever wanted was acceptance and love from him and a proper relationship. But, no. That's fine. Leave me hang out to dry. Unfriend me on facebook and go on with life without me. I am done trying. I am so beyond hurt, I don't know how I can function. A healthy family is all I need. And I am fighting the urge to lean on guys, so hard. But it's so hard when I sometimes feel like God isn't here. I mean I know he is, but I just want a tangible hug. You know? But, God I know this will only last a season. Please, just give me the strength. Please.
Good morning all you lovely people(: I am seriously enjoying today, even though I have only been up a few hours. It is beautiful outside. I am sitting on the brick porch of my house on our wicker love seat eating breakfast. A delicious one at that, cinnamon toast and oranges. I can smell summertime already; the sound of the mower running in the neighbors yard, birds chirping in the trees, the warm sun radiating into our yard, and the sound of my little brothers playing as little boys do. I swear there is nothing quiet about little boys. But, I love them anyways. They are wonderful in every way. Today is going to be a busy day, procrastinating the homework I always wait 'til Sunday to do and all of my chores as well. But, as much as I hate cleaning, music will always break up the monotony. I will be cranking some tunes here shortly, which of course will make me not get done as fast as my mom would like. So sorry charlie. My music and I are joined at the hip. Oh and yet another reason that makes this weekend fabulous is the fact that I went on a date with a guy named Clark this Friday. He showed up in a SUIT to meet my mom. He said there is only one first impression and nothing says 10 o'clock movie like a suit. So adorable. But, anyways I hope all of your weekends have been just as lovely as mine. I have to go because I am being summoned to go clean. Au Revoir! (:
Oh the joys of being a big sister.. the picture above is of my English notes, sopping wet and juice-covered. Of course my lovely brother Hugh decided it would be an excellent idea to run with his full glass of tang into the dining room. This is where my poor, innocent notes lay on the ground. My ceiling fan had blown them off the table. And of course, where does the juice go sloshing over the sides of his cup? Right over top of my paper, sending a thunderstorm raining down on it. It is currently sitting on my table. Hopefully it dries decently. Anyways off to do my homework looking off of my saturated paper. Hope all of your days are going better.
This past weekend, I have, along with many others, had the opportunity to participate in the Fine Arts competition. I took a human video and a vocal solo. One of our human videos made it as well as the large drama to nationals. My vocal solo was two points away from going to nationals.It was amazing to see so many young people using their talents to glorify God. Above are some pictures of all of us.
This past Sunday, there were 16 scheduled water baptism's for our church. That is a crazy big number and that is awesome. But, after that our Pastor asked if anyone wanted baptized unplanned. I felt God stirring in my heart, but I continued to sit in my seat while the others went up.But the more I thought about it the more I thought about how I would regret it if I didn't go. So, I went up there. And it was definetly and great place for me to start over. I have been getting closer with God for the past 5 months since I have gotten rid of all the sinful behaviors in my life. The water baptism really made me feel like everything had been washed away permanently. This was amazing because for the longest time I was still feeling guilty even though I was forgiven. This was a great new step in my relationship with God.
I was so blessed yesterday to be a part of a 30 hour famine with my school's christian club CYA(: We started fasting at 7 am on friday and went until 1 pm today(saturday). Friday night we held a benefit concert to raise money for World Vision who gives clothes and such to kids in out nation and other nations as well who are less fortunate than ourselves. During this time, we not only had a strengthening of our relationship with God, but we also had a strengthening of relationships with each other! It was an amazing night and I believe God really moved in our lives. Above are some pictures of the concert(:
There have been days where I just want to fall apart. I just want to throw the towel and I find myself crying and crying. Last night was one of those nights. I was letting the weight of this world get to me and boy was it heavy. The thing though is, that in this time of my great need in comfort not only was my God there for me, but so was my mom! We had the most beautiful bonding moment. I loved having her hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay and rub my back. It took me back to when I was a little girl and I scraped my knee and I would come running into the house crying about it. And, of course my mom would come to my rescue with band aid and boo boo bunny in hand. Then my baby brother(well I say baby but he is 5), Brady slept with me too and gave me the most amazing snuggles. There is something about the love of a child that models after the love of God. The love of a child is never conditional. They love you so deep-deeper than a lot of people that are far more mature. I am so thankful for him and for Hugh, age 3, as well. I don't know where I would be without them. And I also feel I must thank my God for his comfort even when I don't deserve it. When he gives me comfort, when those people in my life give out, when I need someone to talk to He is always there waiting. So I do believe it is true that beauty does come from pain. Even though I am upset now, I know that God has me in his hands always. Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Hey guys! Happy Saturday to all of you(: My day has consisted of trips to art and scrapbooking stores, Swensons and Earthfare(an organic superstore). Oh boy-the guys were handsome at Swensons-although I regret to say I didn't want to appear creepy and snap a photo. But I will post some pictures I took while I was out.
